On the art of relationships

Whereas some people will sit for hours in darkened coffee shops and ponder existence, I will forever be perplexed by something else: Relationships. No this is not a typical single-girl-in-a-big-city story. I have no problem with any specific relationship. Just relationships in general. They BOGGLE my MIND.

I guess it all started a while back... Elementary or middle school probably. (Scene ripples and hazes)

I went to a snooty private school until I was 13 (at this point God remembered I existed). This snooty private school is the source of much convoluted logic that will follow me through my later years as they unfold. As you can probably tell by my eccentric blogs and off-the-wall humor, I grew up a misfit. Yes, I was the square peg in the round hole. In short, I was not one of the Populars (but, for the record, I was lucky enough to go to a high school where there was not such a strict caste system).

Anyway, I digress. So at this private school (which had about 60 students in grades 6-8) pretty much taught me that the lucky few who were in teenage-psuedo-relationships (that was as good as it got back then) had something that the rest of us didn't. They were in a class of their own. And we were the untouchables. Pretty neat, yes? I like to think so.

Although this was very untrue, (and I've come to accept this now) I can't seem to fully abandon that mindset. The belief where, in order to be in a "happy" and "perfect" relationship with someone, you need to go into it "happy" and "perfect". That's unrealistic and, from what little I may know, not what a relationship is all about. That leaves no room for emotional support (and emotional breakdowns)... It leaves room for nothing. But it opens plenty of windows of opportunity for thoughts like, "Maybe I'm not pretty enough for him" or, "Maybe she thinks I'm too short". Anything like this sound familiar?

And so even though I've recently come to understand how ridiculous it is to think that people in relationships are physically, mentally, and emotionally perfect, I still can't fully grasp HOW PEOPLE DATE EACH OTHER without disgusting themselves. I still cringe when I hear how old high school friends are dating each other. I can't help but have thoughts like, "No way... She's going out with him? Even with that lisp of his? HA! Good luck raising kids like that!" and "Oh, GOD, no... They can't go out, her ankles were huuuuuge! I mean it was just like calves and then FEET out of nowhere! There was no narrowing to prepare you for what was to come... just an abrupt end! And her personality, man what a drag!"

It never really hit me until recently: People are not perfect. People are lame, boring, immature, mentally imbalanced, overweight, hairy, illiterate, dramatic, distasteful, inelegant, and, for the most part, just plain ugly. Most also demonstrate poor oral hygiene (please remember to floss daily).

And despite all this, people date. People date and then they get engaged, they get married, and they bear similarly awkward offspring. And their offspring carry out the same cycle.

Can you guys handle this? I sure as hell can't.